A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify. She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, “Who can tell me what this is?” A little girl raised her hand. “Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?” “It’s a cow, teacher.” “Very good, Janie,” said the teacher. Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly. She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class. Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers. The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer. “I’ll give you a hint,” said the teacher. “What does your mommy call your daddy when she’s trying to be ‘lovey-dovey’?” Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said, “Ooh, ooh!, I know, Teacher. It’s a big horny bastard!”
The owner of a hardware store is dismayed when a huge new hardware store opens up next door erecting a large sign saying, ‘Best Deals’. He’s even more horrified when another huge hardware store opens up on the other side of his store puttting up an even larger sign saying, ‘Lowest Prices’. The shopkeeper is panicked then has a bright idea. He puts a large sign over his own store saying, ‘Main Entrance’.